


Privateers

by Rithebard



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, Gen, Pirates, add in newspaper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rithebard/pseuds/Rithebard
Summary: Mac read an ad in the paper and brought it to Jack's attention.





	1. Chapter 1

Jack Robinson was at his desk going through reports and yawning, it was 9:30 am and he had been at a raid the night before. There was a brisk knock at the door and Mac came barreling into his office.

"Mac! We have no case at the moment that I am aware of....?"

"No, I was reading the paper and I saw this. I had to come over and ask you if you know anything about it."

Jack blinked and tilted his head, "I didn't see anything of significance this morning..."

Mac smirked both at the familiar response and his expression, "Do you read the ads, Inspector?"

"No."

"Well you should, they are full of human drama, the personals are my favorite, I know Phryne and I love to read them. But this is in the want ads and I had to ask you if you know about this and what you thought...?"

Still very confused, Jack accepted the folded paper, "The want ads?"

"Yes, this ringed one."

"Wanted, women looking for adventure on the high seas, excitement, treasure and challenge." Jack shrugged, "So? Nothing illegal that I can see."

"Pirating isn't illegal?"

"It does not say that, and why would i know about it?"

"Doesn't it sound like a certain lady we both know..."

"Phryne, does not need to answer an ad to find trouble, Mac."

"True, but what if it is a way to lure her, or get her somewhere and spring a trap, or...."

"Mac, I think your imagination is running away from you."

"Jack, other then you, who knows Phryne best?"

"True." Jack sighed and looked at his watch, "It's too early for her to be up and unless she has an early appointment I don't know about she should still be sound asleep." He picked up the phone and dialed a beloved number, "Good Morning, Mr. Butler, has Miss Fisher arisen? Good, please forestall her seeing the paper, if she gets up before the Doctor and I arrive...yes, it is important. Thank you. We will be there soon." 

He turned to Mac, "Shall we?"

"Indeed."

***

 

"So what is all this about?" Asked Phryne pacing the parlor wearing her favorite black silk kimono as she paced in front of her two best friends seated on the chaise lounge. Mac didn't say anything, she just handed Phryne the ad. She read and shrugged, "So?"

Jack smirked, "That is what I said."

"Well, I thought it might mean trouble it seems to be all about you to me."

"Pirates? Me?"

Jack shrugged and looked at Mac, "well you have been quiet lately maybe..."

"I just finished a case with you, three days ago and we were...well we...you and I..."

Jack choked on his tea and glanced at Mac, who rolled her eyes, "You two had a date."

"A bit more but that will do for the masses, so do you really think I wouldn't tell you two if I was planning something? But Mac is right, it could be a lure for me and it certainly could be something illegal like white slavery, not everyone trips into trouble like I do."

"Thank heavens..."

"Jack!" she scolded rolling her eyes. "So they would need to find adventure and this ad might seem just the ticket, let me change, I will be two ticks and we can go investigate."

Phryne ran out of the room and up the stairs. Jack looked at Mac, and said, "would you like more toast or biscuits? I would." He grabbed a plate and went to the kitchen.

Mac shook her head smiling then picked up her tea. She looked up and said, "So what do you think? Yes, you. I know you have many opinions. So I'll tell you what, what comes next will come from you. I will let Phryne and Jack know and we will follow your lead. You always wanted to write one of these didn't you?" She raised her tea cup and saluted. She is waiting for your response.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phryne and Jack go to the source of the ad to see where it came from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my new beta Miss Templeton for all her kind help in doing the beta work for this chapter of the story.

Phryne desperately needs a shower, so she runs to her bathroom before she gets dressed and finds three kittens nestled at the bottom of the shower.   
She turns and says, “Really? Kittens? I know you were reaching for an idea to give our biographer but KITTENS?”

***

Phryne and Jack arrive at the newspaper office to find chaos. The front desk has 10 people in front of it, screaming for the editor’s hide. 

“My Katie has been missing a week, what are you going to do about it?”

“Looking for adventure, looking for trouble…you!”

“How can you have such a despicable thing in your newspaper? I will pull my advertisements; my Laura has been missing for days!”

Jack and Phryne exchanged an amused yet shocked look. “Why are all these people here and not at our station, or some station?” Jack whispered as he reached for the badge.

“You know that some policemen - not you of course, Jack dear - would jump to the conclusion that the girls ran away and were not lured to do who knows what.”

Jack shook his head and there was a bit of growl as he moved to the front desk, “Are you the editor or manager of this paper?”

The man who was crumbling under the onslaught simply nodded.

“I would like to speak to you in private. Police.”

A woman at the counter said in a stage whisper, “About time…”

“This way please,” said the editor hurriedly. “I have been expecting you…”

“Senior Detective Inspector Jack Robinson and this is our consulting detective, Miss Phryne Fisher.”

He nodded, “did one of the families call you?”

“No actually we spotted the ad and found it worrying,” said Phryne sitting in a chair elegantly.

Jack leaned against a file cabinet, “So who put the ad in?”

“I wish I knew, I wish I knew, it was all done by mail. There was only the name of the company.”

“Someone must have signed the contract?” asked Jack. He was growing angry but his face remained as cool as stone.

“No, we needed the money and it was a solid 8-week ad…I know it was wrong and now I am paying the price but I was desperate.”

“I see,” said Jack through gritted teeth. Phryne met his eyes and tilted her head.

“We will see what we can do. Let’s hope that your ineptness has not led to tragedy.”

***

Jack, Phryne and Mac were in the back of the taxi with Cec driving. They were all dressed in what Phryne called “nondescript” clothes. 

“Are you sure you should be coming along, Mac?”

“Jack, if you ask me one more time…”

“I am going to have enough work keeping Phryne out of trouble…” 

“I beg your pardon?”

“You know what I mean Phryne, I know you can take care of yourself but if these are white slavers…”

“You’re worried that Mac and I could be taken hostage?”

“Or worse.”

“We’re here,” said Cec softly.

***

The three of them slowly climbed up the side of the ship and then slipped down to the holds. Just as they were checking one of the holds for hidden chambers the door slammed shut.

Jack sighed and looked at the door. “Ok, you have gotten us in this fine mess, how about getting us out of it?” He asked with a tilt of his elegant head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of fun to write what the reader requested. Again it is up to you where they go or they don't go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phryne, Jack and Mac find the captives on the ship...

Phryne is trying to pic the lock as Jack and Mac sing, “Friggin in the Rigging” she rolls her eyes, stands up putting the pic back in her décolletage. Then she places her hands on her hips and says, “Jack, Mac it’s open. Really, when I said busy yourselves while I do this I didn’t mean that.” 

Jack smirked and pointing toward the readers, “It’s their fault, they said we should sing.”

Phryne giggled and said, “If they said you should jump in the Yarra, would you?”

“It depends what time of year it is…” Mac said before she was playfully slapped on the shoulder by Phryne. 

“Well let’s go, the door is open.”

“Excellent, let’s go.” Said Jack as he walked over and opened the door.

Jack and Phryne held their guns in front of them as they stealthy walked up the stairs to the main decks.

“It’s not fair, I don’t have a gun.” Mac whispered behind Phryne, Phryne looked over her shoulder and whispered back. If we find a cutlass lying about, it’s yours if you know how to use it.”

“Well, I know how to use a scalpel, so a cutlass should not be too hard. Besides I bet the fan who suggested it never thought we would be able chat about a cutlass.”

“Would you two be quiet, look,” whispered Jack. 

Ahead of them right under the mast was a bunch of people held at gun point.

“How are we going to infiltrate?”

“Easy,” Phryne replied to Mac, she grabbed a bag of clothes that was leaning against a cabin door. She gave a blanket to Jack, “Here cover me while I change…you can peek if you like Jack.” She said with a sultry wink.

Jack holding the blanket protectively around her winked back and watched as she changed into the pirate’s clothes. “You make a sexy pirate, my love,” whispered Jack.

“Thank you, maybe you should change to, you would be making all those women swoon.”

“Would you two shut up, your making me ill.” Mac said to her friends then she turned and said, “Ok, you got us this far, how will we get in there and free these people?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, it's up to you. Will they get these innocent victims out? Will Phryne get to watch Jack change? Will Mac find out if a cutlass is anything like a scalpel? These answers are in your hands.
> 
> (sounds like the end of the old soaps doesn't it?)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They change into the pirate clothes and try to work a plan to rescue the hostages, what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay, but I have a rather torrid RL. We are almost at the end, one more chapter after this one.

Phryne was smirking as she held up the blanket and watched Jack change. Mac was adjusting the hat over her hair and said, “I wish I could wear a peg leg…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mac. How would walk?”

Meanwhile Jack was getting frustrated, all the shirts were too small across his chest, Phryne smirked and said, “Just leave it on unbuttoned, you will make everyone swoon. You have a very sexy chest, Darling.”

“Whom am I making swoon, exactly?”

“Everyone…” Phryne winks at the readers.

Jack rolled his eyes, “You are silly. Anyway, I will wear the shirt open and the Jacket will be buttoned so at least most of me will be covered. Strange how skinny these pirates are.”

Phyne was smiling wickedly as she lowered the blanket, “Yes, very strange. Yet, you look delicious, Darling.”

Jack is about to pull Phryne into his arms when Mac says, “Don’t even think about it, Jack. We need to get those people out of here, remember?”

Phryne and Jack are pouting, but they nod. 

“I will see if they have a radio in the Captain’s quarters,” said Mac, then she quietly scurried down the corridor.

“They all look rather thirsty; shall we offer them some Champagne?”

“I don’t think that crate is for the crew?”

“Yes, but a drunken pirate might be easier to reason with, don’t you think?”

Jack tilted his head and looked at his shapely companion, “I will offer them booze, you stay here till I get them snockered. “

“Aww Jack!”

“This is not a game, and they are slavers, you stay here till I get those criminals drunk and get their weapons away from them. Hopefully by then Mac will have gotten us some help. Now stay here.”

Phryne looked mutinous but nodded. As she watched Jack approach them smiling and handing out bottles like it was beer instead of champagne, Mac approached quietly from behind.

“There was a radio, I got a hold of Hugh. He said that he and some men are on the way. By the way, I don’t like a cutlass, it curves. I still want a gun.”

Jack had all the pirates drinking and was deftly untying the hostages. Finally he waved them over. 

“Mac, lead these people away, did you get us some help?”

“Yep, Hugh is on the way.”

“Great, why don’t you two…”

“Nope, I will stay here, we can lead them in song…”

“Phryne,” he growled.

“Do you think they know, “Friggin in the Rigging?”” Phryne whispered with a huge smile.

Jack rolled his eyes and looked straight to readers; “Help! We are coming to the end, how would you like it to go?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pirates are arrested, happy ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist, really I just couldn't.

Jack succeeded in getting the pirates completely drunk, Mac and Phryne succeeded in getting the captives away. Hugh and the other men came up to find, the pirates all singing from Pirates of Penance and Jack was leaning against the mast with a disgusted look on his face.  
The Captain of the ship, Roy Peters was singing at the top of his lungs and not very well. So Jack was suffering both from very bad singing as well as Gilbert and Sullivan.

Roy had his third bottle of Champagne in one hand and his parrot on his shoulder singing, his arms spread out wide as he sung;

Away to the cheating world go you,  
Where pirates all are well-to-do;  
But I’ll be true to the song I sing,  
And live and die a Pirate King.

For I am a Pirate King!  
And it is, it is a glorious thing  
To be a Pirate King!

Jack sighed and waved Hugh and his men over to arrest them. There was no fighting the arrest, the pirates were to busy joining in on the chorus again as they were led away.

For I am a Pirate King!  
And it is, it is a glorious thing  
To be a Pirate King!

Phryne with a barely hidden smirk walked over to Jack and put her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. After they kissed, Phryne said with wink said; “Well you are my very model of Modern Major-General.”

Jack groaned, “Phryne.”

“Oh come on Jack, indulge me. We are now all alone now. Pretty please?”

Jack tilted his head, he looked into her sparkling eyes and shrugged. He chuckled, then a wicked gleam came into his eyes, he brought her close, nibbled her ear, then as he began to kiss his way down her neck, he sang;

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,  
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical  
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;  
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,  
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,  
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,  
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;  
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:  
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to TeaandBanjo, B_stHelier !   
> For playing with me.

**Author's Note:**

> So now it's up to you, I broke the fourth wall and left it up to you dear reader if I should continue.


End file.
